Hand in Hand Publications

29 years ago I asked my daughter a question that would affect our lives and relationship for years to come. My question was Debbie are you gay? And her answer was yes, do you hate me? I told her she was my daughter and I loved her but I hated the life she was choosing to live. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my body. She told me there was some place I could go for help (and it wasn’t Exodus) and I told her I didn’t need the help, she was the one that needed help.

Little did I know just how much help I needed but where could I go to get that help? I knew nothing about Exodus and nothing about the gay lifestyle, except the typical stereotypes people talked about. I sure didn’t want to talk to my Pastor about it for fear of what he would say. I will have to say the reason I didn’t want to tell people Debbie was a lesbian was because she was my daughter and I loved her with all my heart, and I thought if I told people they would make fun of her and I just couldn’t stand the thought of that.

After graduation Debbie told me about her partner. I told here she could not bring anyone home. She was welcomed but not her partner. I saw that I was loosing her and I didn’t want that to happen. I then told her she could bring her partner home but their would be guidelines to follow and she agreed to that. Some years later I read Anita Worthen & Bob Davies book "Someone I Love is Gay" in the book Anita said we may be the only Jesus our child’s partner ever sees. I have never forgotten those words. We are to become Christ like in our walk with the Father and He loved that partner as much as He loved my daughter. And I was called to reach out to her with the same kind of love.

I remember the first time I went to visit Debbie and her partner they were now living on Cape Cod. Debbie told her sister that I would be in their house and that they would be sleeping together. At my house they slept in separate beds. I kept telling my self I may be the only Jesus her partner sees, just love them. I will say except for sleeping together, and that was behind closed doors, Debbie and her partner never did or said anything to make me feel uncomfortable. I let her know how much I appreciated that. Debbie and I did grow apart. There would be times I wouldn’t hear from her for months at a time not even a phone call.

My trust was completely in Him and knowing that He was in control. The first Exodus conference I went to was in Wilmore Kentucky. I was so blessed by that conference. Many things stuck in my heart but the one thing that really gave me hope was a woman in her late forties that gave her testimony. She had just left the life style a couple years before she gave her testimony, and I knew from that day on that Debbie would come back to the Lord. James 1:6 tells us we must ask in faith without any doubting. I never doubted from that day on that Debbie would come back to the Lord.

Before I went to the conference I told Debbie I was going. I felt like I wanted her to know what I was doing. At the time she said that’s all right for you but don’t try and change me. I told her I couldn’t change her that was between her and God. She then told me to be careful because all they were going to do was brain wash me and that they might even lock me in while I was there But she did tell me she wanted to hear about it when I got home. From that time on whenever we were going to be together, I would pray that God would open a door so we could talk. God was so faithful and always opened doors, sometimes just a little and other times wide. Debbie was always the one that started the conversation. God is so good and so faithful.

I think it was about 6 years ago Debbie and her partner started fostering children and they were fostering an 8 year old girl. One day this 8 year old girl said to Debbie, "if you don’t start taking me to church I am going to the Jewish Synagogue next door". (This opened one of those wide doors). The only church Debbie knew about was one she had taken the ladies from the group home, where she worked for a bean supper the church was having.

Debbie lives in Maine, and I guess bean suppers are a big deal there. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not calamity to give you a future and a hope". God was putting that perfect plan into action. They loved the church and attended regularly. I knew that they could not sit under the teaching of the word and not have their hearts touched in some way. God tells us His world will not return void.

Even after this 8 year old was adopted and out of their home, they continued to go to church. They fostered about 4 other children during this time taking them all to church. My other daughter, her husband and I went to visit Debbie. There was not a question of are we going to church, it was we are going to church. Here I was setting in the second row of a bible preaching and teaching church with my lesbian daughter, who was taking notes as fast as she could. Right from the start Pastor Dan and his wife Rosemary talked with the girls and let them know that homosexuality was a sin, but the doors of the church were opened to them and they just continued to love them as did many people in the congregation. You could just feel the love in that church.

Their were certainly things that happened that Debbie and her partner were not in agreement with, and because of that they were hurt by some of those things, but Pastor Dan never compromised on what the word said, and very lovingly walked them through those times. Because of that little 8 year old girl who wanted to go to church, and Pastor Dan preaching truth 2 years ago, Debbie gave her heart back to God. She was like a sponge soaking in everything she could. She went to every Bible study she could and every service at church she just couldn’t get enough.

She told me she is starting out like a new Christian because there were so many things she had forgotten and so much she had never heard before. A year ago this past Thanksgiving her partner gave her life to Christ. She had been raised in a Catholic Church and really knew nothing of having a personal relationship with Jesus. They continued to live together as partners. People would say to me, aren’t you going to tell them they can’t do that, and I would just say God has done a really good job so far, I think He is able to take care of this too. I continued to pray for them.

In August of last year, Pastor Dan preached a message that was meant just for Debbie. She told me she went and knelt at the foot of the cross in their sanctuary, and after spending some time their she knew that she could no longer live in a relationship with a partner. In telling her partner this, she was devastated. Even though we had talked about it several times her partner still couldn’t see homosexuality as a sin. She felt that she and Debbie could continue to live as lesbians and still be in God’s will. As God continued working out His plan, I had planned a vacation to see them the last week of August, way before any of this had happened.

Debbie' x-partner and I spent a lot of time talking, and I assured her she would still be a part of our family. She just looked at me and said, really? I told her I loved her and she would always be a part of my life. While I was there visiting, Debbie told me she was going to be a part of Exodus one day. She said, "I’m not ready yet, but when it’s time I will be". Maine doesn’t have a ministry and they really need one. This is the girl that was worried I was going to be brain washed and locked in at my first conference.

One evening Sue called to tell that she really believes that homosexuality is a sin. She was taking some sort of survey and the first question was do you believe homosexuality is a sin and she immediately said yes! She then sat and thought for a while and said, I really do believe it’s a sin. She waited a few days before she said anything, because she wanted to be sure she really believed it was a sin. In February she was baptized, and was so full of joy and happiness. She knows that she is in a process, and it takes time, but she is now willing to wait out that process.

Debbie has been really blessed in that the temptations are few and far apart, and the Holy Spirit has helped her to turn away when they do come. She knows she is also in a process, and continually needs to have her armour in place.

I will forever be grateful to God, an 8 year old foster girl, and a Pastor that never compromised the word of God and was willing to love my daughter and her x-partner right where they were. I am so blessed to tell you Debbie will be attending her first Exodus conference with me in July. We serve a wonderful awesome miracle working God, and He deserves all my praise honor and Glory. Thank you Father.